The Barry Bonds trial is finally beginning after how many, many  years. Can’t we just put this steriod crap to be and move on to harassing Michael Phelps for smoking pot? Oh I forgot he hasn’t admitted smoking pot. He’s just apologizing for inappropriate behavior. I wish I could’ve used that excuse when I was a kid!

Barry isn’t charged with taking steriods. He’s just being charged with pergury for lying about taking steriods. You see, Barry completely denies knowing anything about the magic cream his trainer prescribed for his arthritic knees. He also didn’t know that is wasn’t just flax seed oil he was taking.

Gee Barry, didn’t know notice your hat size increased 3 inches after rubbing the magic cream on your knees? Didn’t you notice your uniform didn’t fit right anymore? i’m sure you didn’t notice you were hitting the ball 100′ further than ever despite being 40 years old.

It’s like Sargent Shultz from Hogan’s Heroes saying "I know nothing" over and over. Greg Anderson just kept injecting Barry with his magic formula that instantly transforms your body into Arnold Schwarzenegger and Barry was so busy visualizing those monster home runs that he didn’t notice how big he was getting.

Grow up Barry and admit you’re a liar and a cheat! You should also give back the home run records you stole from Hank Aaron and Mark McGwire, (oh that’s right McGwire stole the season home run record from Roger Maris by using steroids).

Here we go again. Today’s Celebrity Screwup is Michael Phelps for toking on a bong while visiting a "friend" in South Carolina in November.

In 2004 Phelps won 6 medals in the Olympics and promptly got arrested for DUI. In 2008 he wins 8 gold medals in the Olympics, receives millions in endorsement money, and gets caught on camera smoking pot which could become the most exspensive bong hit in history. Certainly his sponsors will be pressured into dropping Phelps from their ads because of his lack of judgement.

I sure hope Michael’s "friend" who secretly took the picture with his cell phone camera received a lot of money for releasing the photo. Michael’s "friend" is definitely in the running for Sleazeball of the Year award for releasing the photo.

Good luck Michael and I hope I never have to report Strike Three for your lack of judgement!

Eliot Spitzer made it really easy to pick our inaugural winner for the Celebrity Doghouse Loser Of The Week. Isn’t this the man that prosecuted hundreds of Wall Street executives for insider trading? Isn’t this the guy that put Martha Stewart in jail? Isn’t this the guy that declared war on prostitution and shut down numerous prostitution rings? The former Attorney General of New York State, now Governor, who obviously understands the law becomes the biggest hypocrite of 2008 with his admission of paying over $80,000 to a call girl named Kristen or Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Would you spend $4000 (taxpayers money) a night on a woman that looks like this?

Spitzer used our tax dollars to pay for his call girl and broke numerous other laws satisfying his sexual urges. Client 9 of The Emporer’s Club call girl service is going to focus on repairing his relationship with his wife and family before rejoining society in a non-political way to make things better for all of us!

Ashley is now cashing in on the deal and is selling thousands of copies of a crappy song she recorded a few years ago. I’m sure a tell all book deal is in the works so she’ll ride off into the sunset with millions in the bank while Spitzer fends off potential boyfriends in jail.

Congratulations Eliot! You’re our first winner of the Celebrity Doghouse Loser Of The Week!